Happy Fall, everyone! It's almost Halloween and the temperatures are rapidly getting cooler in Kentucky. Leaves are changing color and starting to fall all around me. I hope you all have your Halloween decor out and are planning on transforming yourselves into spooky ghouls and goblins soon!
I've been asking tons of questions lately and searching high, low, to, from, over, above, beyond, and everywhere in between for the answers. What is it that defines me? What is it that defines my children? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to not only excel, but to hit a standard that isn't attainable? Who am I? What is my purpose on Earth? What is God's plan? I could go on and on, but you get the picture.
"The Lord says, I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8
August 2014 changed my life forever. My youngest son's dad, my ex-husband was diagnosed with brain, lung, and bone cancer. The prognosis is not good. I've never heard of a cancer diagnosis and prognosis that was, in fact hopeful or promising. I won't spit out statistics for a few reasons, but the main reason being that only God knows when we will take our last breath on this Earth. My four year old son has had some extensive behavioral testing done and has three diagnosis, all of which label him as a child with special needs. I was hospitalized and tested for everything under the sun, due to persistent blood clots and was told I have a couple of genetic mutations that make me more prone to having blood clots. That's more than my emotions can handle, but I've attempted to process and deal with all of this life changing news.
Special needs....Those two words are destined for a stereotype and label from society that comes with great stigma. Think about it. No one actually wants to be labeled anything slightly negative or abnormal. The way I see it is, we ALL have special needs. People have no idea just what our special needs are exactly, unless they invest the time it takes to REALLY get to know us personally. God designed each and every one of us according to HIS standards and we are all good enough for him. After all, we are his children. What would happen if we left home every day treating everyone we encounter as if they too had special needs? This cruel world would be a much better place. That's exactly what would happen. I pray God gives those with special needs a tremendous amount of courage to go through life.
Cancer....It's such a nasty and scary word. Thankfully, science and doctors have come a long way and have more research on this horrendous disease. In the news, there is a great debate going on amongst states that have legalized patients to have the option to end their own life. Can you imagine? I can't. It's absolutely baffling to imagine having a sickness so terrible that taking your own life would even be a thought. God bless these brave and courageous souls who know far too much about the world battle.
"The wicked are edgy with guilt, ready to run off even when no one's after them; honest people are relaxed and confident, bold as lions." Proverbs 28:1
Blood clotting disorder... I would be a lair if I told you this didn't scare me. It scared me in the beginning and it scares me now when I think about it. I know blood clots are super dangerous and an amazing friend of mine just had a stroke due to a blood clot, which caused a hemorrhage in her brain. I'm still trying to learn about all of these medical terms, but not like I used to. If I can just show up and have my blood drawn frequently, I'm doing excellent.
None of these labels define me or my precious family. I guess it's because we are all so much more than a condition or a disease. I'm my own worst enemy and extremely hard on myself. It became very real to me when a couple of family members told me this and it sank in. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Who exactly are we trying to impress? Whose standards are we trying to live up to? Whose approval is it that we are seeking? First and foremost, I want to be more Christ-like. "Perfection isn't attainable, but excellence is." That's a pretty bold statement if you think about it. It's very easy to understand, but next to impossible for me to live out those words. I'm so guilty of being way too wrapped up in wondering and worrying what other people think of me. "What other people think of you is absolutely none of your business." Yikes! It's true. Does it matter that the elderly woman at Wal-Mart thinks I'm not parenting correctly? Do we really care if others accept us at our worst times? Sure. However, the MOST important and only view I can accept at this point in my life is what Jesus thinks of me and sees in me. He can read my thoughts when I'm speechless. He can see my heart when I can't even seem to see it myself. I'm filled with good intentions and fail miserably all the time. Jesus is the ONLY person who knows and sees that. The rest is history and minor details that don't amount to anything worth losing sleep over. A wise man often reminds me, "If it's not going to stop Jesus from coming back, it's not a big deal."
"The Lord doesn't hate or despise the helpless in all of their troubles. When I cried out, he listened and did not turn away." Psalm 22:24
Doubt, negativity, worry, stress, fear, and so much more are NOT from God. These things all come from our enemy, Satan. Satan knows he can put strongholds on our lives by entering and planning to attack us through our minds. I will keep my eyes upon the Lord. I know Jesus is working overtime in my life and the devil is trying hard to convince me his lies are true. I choose to be brave, kind, as strong as I can, and trust in Jesus. I pray you put your lives in the palm of Jesus. We all have special needs, but our creator is the only one who knows each and every one of them. God bless you all!