Our First Distinguished Holidays

The holidays are approaching rapidly and although all Christmas shopping is done and all food is purchased that I will be cooking on Thanksgiving, I'm not ready.  Santa has finished his list, wrapping paper is bought, decorations are ready to be hung, and I have two little boys that can NOT wait until Christmas.  They are pretty darn excited about Thanksgiving break (I'd like to think it's because they are thankful & it has nothing to do with no school for three days)!  We even have a new elf who sits on a shelf and reports all behavior to the north pole.  The elf we have named "Buddy," travels to the North Pole nightly and the next morning my boys have to find where his new spot his in the house after his long journey.  They LOVE this!

I am blessed to have such an amazing family and a few true friends!  I'd be lost without their support.  I have to be honest with you, this holiday season will be the hardest thus far.  I finally understand how widows &those who've lost loved ones, children, & parents feel.  I don't expect anyone to "get it" who has never been down the road leading to a broken home. 

I also understand that this year is so hard for so many because of the money involved.  We live in a society that tells us we need "things" to be accepted.  Gosh, my oldest is seven and he tells me which clothes are "cool" and which ones aren't.  He is SEVEN!  The holidays aren't cheap, lots of people are forced to go into debt because they have no other way to provide Christmas, and some rely solely on the community and churches.  I get it.  It's beyond hard.  Just know you aren't alone and lots of people understand. 

You see, there's all this "stuff" that I've already cleared out.  There's even more "stuff" in the Christmas decorations.  This "stuff" is pictures, clothes, movie ticket stubs, letters, & ornaments.  The list goes on and on.  Most people don't understand why I just can't whiz them all out the door, set them on fire, or just give them away.  They are part of my life.  I don't have to look at the stuff, but I'm not going to throw it out like a dirty diaper.  I invested too much time, made beautiful children, and have too many happy memories to do that.

Today, I spoke with a friend who is newly divorced and thinking of not putting up a Christmas tree. This friend doesn't want to acknowledge the holidays this year as it will be their first without a spouse.  I get it!  I understand!  I promise you, I get it.  However, if you have children it's not about you.  It's about those sweet babies!!

First, you should know that I'm the FIRST to put up decorations!  I LOVE to decorate for all the holidays!!  People used to question why I always did it so early and my answer was always the same and still is.  It's not about ME, it's about the sweetest babies I know that I call my children.  That's right, those two little boys who have pieces of me installed in their hearts, genetics, appearance, & manners.  You won't ever believe that my oldest LOVES to decorate as much as his mommy! 

I believe that after you have children everything stops being about you and is about those precious babies!  Most everything I do is done to benefit my boys in some way or done with their best interests at heart.  My job is to raise them right and I'll have to answer to God one day.

Sometimes you have to put on your game face and do the hardest things.  I'm going to attach a smile to my game face, drag in more Christmas decorations than you can imagine, and decorate like never before.  This won't be easy, but it will be worth it.  It won't be the same this year, but it will be my first Christmas with my new little family!  I don't ever have to do these things alone.  I've asked God a long time ago to be with me and he is. He won't ever leave and I'm sure he will get me through the holidays and I'll be happier than ever to have experienced them for the first time in years as a single, broken, scarred, mother. 

Please don't get me wrong.  I'm grateful for everything that life has brought us!  You see, the mom with the normal family that included a dad was an overachiever and a perfectionist.  I'm still both of those things, just not as much.  In order to do all that has to be done, I've had to lay down the perfectionism and overachieving and let our family just be us. 

Last Christmas at this time, I had the perfect family photos taken where we all wore matching pajamas.  Not just ANY pajamas!  They boys had matching snowmen pajamas and mom & dad wore EXACT matching shirts and the same colored jeans.  This photo went on our custom printed Christmas cards.  For Basketball season, we all had our favorite team shirts on for a photo taken with big perfect smiles.

Since I've laid down the perfectionism & overachieving, it has given me the chance to actually let my children live.  I can see their personalities, dreams, passions and everything else.  My oldest wants to be a professional baseball player.  The old "striving to be perfect" mommy would have given him a speech about how that career is unrealistic and probably would never happen to him. It would have driven me crazy and I would have tried to convince him he was much too smart and would make a wonderful veterinarian or attorney one day.  These days, I'm thrilled to tell you that I listen to their hopes, goals, and dreams and let them be the sweet little people that God created them to be.

Bags will be packed for visitation through the holidays and I'll hold back the tears and let the best thing happen.  The best thing is having time with dad sometimes.   That doesn't mean it's easy on me.  However, I know it's best.

I know God is with us.  I compare him to the wind sometimes.  No, I can't see the wind, but I can feel it daily & I know it's there.  That's how my God is.  I can't see him, but I can feel him and know he is working in me, changing me, and I am at peace.  I have hope & faith!  To me that's everything!

 I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
I'm excited to overcome this hurdle and make this holiday season Our First Distinguished Family Thanksgiving and Christmas!  I thank God for the strength to carry on, see how richly blessed we are, and to know that he's always with me.  If God wouldn't have given me a broken home, I probably would have never transformed into a laid back mom who is LOVING watching her children be themselves and not being the mom who is the strict enforcer. 

If the holidays are going to be hard for you this year, you are not alone.  So many people feel the way you do, and God is there for us all.  He mends our hearts, gives us a giving & cheerful spirit, and picks us up into his arms when we can't seem to go on.  I'm so excited that he's working hard on me and that this Holiday season I'll be volunteering to do a prison ministry and a coat drive for the needy people in the community.  Tis' the season of giving.  I can't wait to tell you all about Our First Distinguished Family Thanksgiving and Christmas! 

And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.  Colossians 3:17

Hey, all of you reading this!  It's going to be okay.  It's going to be better than okay.  It's going to be THE BEST holidays of our lives!  Make them great with priceless memories that can't be bought and can't be taken from you!  I think you all are so unique in your own way and God loves you all and will see you through the darkest days.  I promise.  Now, let's go get those turkeys cooked and Christmas trees up! Happy Thanksgiving, precious friends!