Tuesday, November 15, 2011

A season for everything

Where I live it's "deer season."  The deer population is out of control, so the department of fish and wildlife allows citizens to obtain a hunting license and kill a certain amount of deer each year during the season to control the population. 

Much like deer season there are many seasons in life.  I came from Florida where seasons existed only of temperatures dropping to the 60s during extremely cold months and climbing to the low 100s during the middle of the summer.  Where I currently live we have four seasons.  I haven't lived here long enough to tell you which climate I like better or how I feel about the seasons.  I do know that no matter how I feel about the seasons they are here to stay (as long as we are living here), so I'd better get adjusted! 

The great thing about seasons is they come and they go.  They usually don't last very long, which makes it good for the seasons you might not like, and bad for the seasons that are your favorite.  Life is filled with seasons.  The Bible even speaks of the seasons and says "For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven."  Ecclesiastes 3:1.

I think this means that everything and every action has a fitting time.  This includes everything that happens in our lives.  Good or bad, it won't last.  I promise you.  The newest season in my life is that of "solo-parenting."  For some of you, this may be a foreign concept and it might be extremely common to others.  I would like to hope that most of you reading this will never have to attempt this or have never attempted this.

It's all new to me.  I'm still in a bit of shock trying to understand how God trusts me so much to give me 100% of the parenting to my two boys.  You see, I used to only have 50% parenting when my life was "normal."  I'm still convinced life isn't supposed to be this way.  I believe it's much better when mom & dad love each other like crazy and everyone lives under the same roof.  I know it's not supposed to be this hard.  However, these are the cards I've been dealt and I will move forward and make an amazing home with wonderful children, and we will all be happier and more content than ever!

Now it's time to sink or swim!  My seven year old has been promised deer hunting this weekend.  Yeah, the SEVEN YEAR OLD who has never shot a gun, or been in the woods and had to be quiet!  This normally would be a decision that I would discuss with  "dad". 

My son desperately wants to go, but my mom instinct kicks in and tells me all the ways he could be hurt and how it's just not safe or the smartest choice in the world. Don't you all remember the movie "The Christmas Story," where little Ralphie gets a Red Rider bee bee gun?  They all warn little Ralphie (mainly his mom) that he will shoot his eye out.  He does break his glasses and endures an eye injury all because of the new Red Rider!!

 This is the time when I need someone to back me up and say, "Robin, you are right.  He's too young, and it's dangerous, " or to say " Robin, he's a boy.  That's what boys do.  You are being too much of a mother hen and a little over protective.  He will be okay."  Those days are gone.  It's just me.  I have to admit, I really miss the "go ask your dad" days!" 

Unfortunately, the "go ask your dad" days are no more.  I often wonder how am I going to solo-parent?  How am I (just me) going to provide and be the sole financial provider? Keep in mind, my former husband didn't want me to work.  He wanted me at home with our youngest son and he wanted us to rely solely on him and we did.  You can see how this is a huge change.  Drastic and rock your world change is a better description!  How will I be able to provide cars, college, proms, etc?  The truth is that God has always been there for us.  He's never let us sink.  I don't think he's going to now.  I don't have to do it all alone! God WILL help. 

Even though I'm doing all of the parenting, don't think for one second people don't LOVE to give me advice and looks that say "Are you sure you know what you are doing?"  I get real questions! I get serious stare downs in Wal-Mart  if someone is having a meltdown and I refuse to buy a toy! No one ever says, "Way to go," or "You are doing such a great job," or "I know you are trying hard and it shows."  I get zilch!

People really love to tell me what I should be doing with my children, how I should be doing it, what's best for them,  & what they would do if they were me!  I'm sure most of them just want to help.  To all of you all doing this same sort of thing to moms:  Please, take it from me and stop.  I promise you aren't helping.  You are only making that mom feel inadequate while she's doing the best she can.  That's all single moms and single parents can do.  Take it one day at a time, ask God for guidance, and make the best decisions we know how to make.  That's what ALL parents do that I know. 

I can't tell you how much I miss the days when I could say "Sweetie, was I too hard on Brandon?" or "Would you take this one and put him in time out?"  Those were the days when I was tired or I had just flat out had enough, I could ask for assistance and it was there.  I want you to know that if you are solo-parenting, there is hope!  If I can do it, a monkey could with his eyes closed! 

 Everyone has told me that someone better will come along and that we deserve the world.  Sometimes I wish that someone would come along and love us all beyond comprehension.  This would in essence be a "rescue."  They could take care of us, and I could lean on them. I could have a partner in every decision and someone to love us all and tell me things were going to be okay.  They might even tell me I was a spectacular mom and I was doing a killer job!  I know that this too is a season and I'd be lying to you if I said I was better than I've ever been.  Some days aren't so tough. Others are extremely hard, and some days I just want to lay down on my stomach, cry my heart out and stay there.  My instinct and determination says otherwise.  I refuse to give up, quit, or get depressed. 

" The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place It will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! "  From the major motion picture Rocky

We might not have immediate answers or available help to support our decisions, but we do have a loving God who gives us guidance.  Sweet friends, don't ever lose your hope and please be encouraged!  WE can do this! I'm going to have an ASTOUNDING life!  My prayer for you is that you will make your life stunning!



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