Sunday, November 6, 2011

A new journey

Most every element that was composed to create my life has been rearranged, changed, and is now different to say the least.  I'm starting over in life with my boys.  I've heard it said so many times, read the words, but never fully understood that I am a single mother.  I'm finally understanding that.  I've been through so many blessings and hardships, but I wouldn't change a thing.  Not even a minute.  I'm so thankful for the good, bad, ugly, blessings, set backs, lessons, scars, and everything in between.  I wouldn't change any of it.  If things would have been different, I wouldn't have a tenth of the strength and determination that I have developed. 

I am very independent and believe I'm supposed to wake up before the sun comes up, make sure my two children have breakfast, get them dressed and ready for school (and daycare), get myself ready, load up the backpack diaper bag (and all the other things that it requires for us to leave the house),  deliver my oldest to school (sometimes stopping to pick up my nephew along the way), take my youngest to daycare, drive to work and work for 8 hours, pick up the boys, do homework, spend quality with them, give baths, ensure dinner happens, and get them to bed.  My day begins anywhere from 5:30-6:15 a.m. depending on the days morning events and the boys are in bed at 8 p.m. (or at least that's what our schedule is, but this doesn't happen every night).  After 8 p.m. my day isn't done.  I still have laundry, lunch to pack, dishes to do, etc.  I get tired.  Not the sleepy tired, but the exhausted kind.  I wouldn't change a minute of our busy life.  I adore my boys and they keep me laughing, learning, loving, and always striving to be THE BEST version of me that I can be.  So much of what I do revolves around my boys and their well-being. 

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13

About a week ago, I took something like that of a life evaluation.  I found that I had zero time for myself and because of this I wasn't being the best version of me that I could be.  That means it's time to rearrange and make a change.  It's not that simple for me.  You see, we had a "normal" life.  A dad, mom, children, etc.  I never wanted the white picket fence, but our life was everything I had ever wanted.  It was beautiful.  My world was rocked, shaken, blown, and shred into a million pieces as the divorce process began.  I know I'll never be the same, but I'm becoming a better person and I don't ever want to go back to the way things were.  I'm learning to LOVE my new life, even if we are starting from scratch.  When I say starting from scratch, I mean we lived with family for eight months until we were able to have a home of our own.  Everyday  is a gift filled with new challenges as well as new reasons to laugh, smile, and thank God. 

I've decided to embrace the great things in life and start on a new journey.  God is a big part of my life and I would be lying to you if I told you he always was.  Sure, I've been a Christian for more than seventeen years, but that doesn't mean I was always extremely close to God.  I'm human like everyone else and used to rely on God & become close with him when things were tough.  Today I'm proud to say I don't live like that anymore.  God is part of my daily life when things are fantastic, bad, ugly, wonderful and so on.  God is part of my day everyday period.  I want to thank him for bringing us so far.  Without him there is no way I could have been as strong as I have been.  I'm excited for the things that I am going to pursue that I know God has laid on my heart.  I can't  wait to be able to share with you all of the amazing things that I am confident this new journey will consist of.   I have big plans, but God had bigger plans for me.  I'm so thankful that God put the strong desire (the kind that won't let you rest until you do whatever it is that is tugging at the strings of your heart) to go and hear Angela Thomas speak in a town close to where I live.  I knew nothing of the speaker, just knew that God wanted me there so I went.  That has made all of the difference!  I hope you all had a blessed weekend filled with laughs & love! 

In case you forgot to laugh, didn't feel like it, or had a bad day, I'll share a quick story with you.  Today my youngest son KISSED a stranger at CHURCH!  This wasn't something that expecting.  He had already dropeed his car a few times and her husband kindly picked it up and returned it to us.  During one of the praise songs, he opened his mouth as she was standing facing him (and he was standing in his seat), opened his mouth and planted a nice sloberry kiss right on her stomach!  What can I say? 

On our grocery shopping trip (with the whole family and my mother), I was almost at the end of my rope after my youngest son (sixteen months) ate some cheese, smashed the cereal box, and chewed the aluminum off of the yogurt after trying numerous times to escape.  As we were checking out, the clerk couldn't go fast enough for me to get my sweeties home.  My youngest son strarted singing and dancing.  Not a quick song and dance, but the crowd attracting kind.  I immediately forgot all my previous frustrations and thanked God then and there for my wonderful family.  Make it a great week, my friends!

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