Sunday, October 30, 2011

Beautiful Scars

Today I heard a great message that tied tick or treating and Halloween into the ways we are tricked, manipulated, and lied to by the enemy.  It's never EVER fun for me ( & I'd bet probably no one else) being lied to or manipulated.  The trouble I have is trust.  I'm an honest person, and I have very high standards for myself and others.  It's great for me, because I consider the standards I have placed for myself to be goals, values, ethics, and a way of life.  Unfortunately, every human being breathing WILL in fact let us down.  I'm no different.  I'm certain I can fail, disappoint, and let you down if you set expectations for me that I am impossible of reaching.  I lose trust when I'm mislead, manipulated, or blatantly lied to.  Tricked is a nice way of sugar coating it, but a master manipulator will ALWAYS convince you and me that they are correct and I always believe it.  Call me gullible, but I try to see the good in people and overlook faults.  God knows I have plenty of faults.

I set these standards for others unconsciously.  Then, days, months, or years later after a bond of trust is formed and that bond is broken I'm left wondering which way is up.  I think to myself, "It must have been this or that fault of mine."  I am at fault plenty, however there are times when I allow myself to be a doormat without realizing it, then wonder why I've been walked all over.  This should all be extremely elementary, right?  It's not for me.  I've been burned and I have scars.  My body is scarred and it used to bother me.  After my fifth surgery or so, I developed a different outlook.  A better one.   My scars are part of ME.  They always remind me of what I've been through and I'm proud to sport them after surgeries(I don't even buy mederma anymore).  It took me nearly twenty six years to realize that beauty is only skin deep and looks can be deceiving.  What's on the inside IS actually what counts.  Looks fade, but what's on the inside never dies.

Unfortunately I've recently been burned and not by accident.  It hurt.  In fact, it hurt more than I can express in words.  The great news is, the burns left scars and taught me lessons.  It only takes one time for me to be burned to learn not to play with fire.  As a young child at approximately age five, I touched a kersosene heater/stove and immediately removed my hand.  I cried for awhile and my mom doctored the wound.  However, she DID warn me.  Don't touch the heater or you WILL get burned.  I never did it again.  I never dreamt I would later be burned in life as an adult.  I mean, I learned this lesson at five (or so I thought I did).  I believe in the golden rule.  You all know it, but if you need reminding it states "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  I also believe that what goes around comes around and others who aren't genuine eventually show their true colors.  One of my favorite lyrics are "There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost, but you'll never reach the end of the road while you're traveling with me."

"Physical punishment cleanses away evil; such discipline purifies the heart." Proverbs 20:30


This week has been a tough one.  I'm in the midst of a legal issue (and I'm not a non- law abiding citizen) that must be faced Thursday, a relative had a heart attack today, there are multiple factors in my blood that indicate health issues (another thing that must be dealt with Tuesday), and the finale was being laid off and my oldest son being bitten by a chipmunk (let's hope that chipmunk doesn't test positive for rabies). 

The GREAT news is, my skin is thicker than ever, and trust me this isn't because I'm a tanning bed veteran!  It gets BETTER!  My family member is alive and in great hands (the hands of many professional surgeons, doctors, and the ultimate healer whom I call God), I have a HUGE support system, my health issues are being identified in the near future (and taken care of by God), I still have a career, it's just not full time anymore.  That only means no health insurance after December 31st, and best of ALL my stress factor is going down. 

You have to understand first and foremost that I am NOT a victim.  I have battles like everyone else.  I also have choices.  Lay down, quit, give up, & die or take God's hand, get back up, brush off the dust, hold my head high, move on, and trust in my maker.  I firmly believe that God has a plan and great things will come.  I'm stronger than yesterday, able to have a day off to go to the doctors, and my heart is still beating.  I have SO MUCH to be thankful for and I am.  Believe me.  My family is more valuable than flawless diamonds, billions of dollars, and irreplaceable. 

God knew I needed a break, so to speak so he gave me one so I could put my focus where it needed to be all along.  Sure, I was burned, but the scar will heal in it's own time and I'll appreciate that scar and never forget where it came from, where I've been, what I've seen, and most importantly what I've lived through.  I think my scars were all beautifully created by being opened up, and sewn back together into one piece all while my God was guiding the highly skilled surgeons every step of the way.

"I will give you back your health and heal your wounds," says the LORD. For you are called an outcast--'Jerusalem for whom no one cares."Jeremiah 30:17

Tomorrow night is a BIG night for my precious boys!  The first night of trick or treating for my toddler, and the highly anticipated, sugar seeking search will begin for my seven year old immediately after school, as I now have career that allows me to embrace these priceless memories with the ones who have my heart.  I hope you all have a safe, fun, happy, & more importantly a memorable Halloween filled with candy, cuties, costumes, and moments that you can't put a price tag on!  Absorb every second of it!  I most definitely will!



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